Time’s running short. If your personal least favorite wasn’t in Part 1, Part 2 , or Part 3, perhaps it will turn up now.
The Worst Singles of the Decade, Part 4: #20-#11
#20
The Lost Trailers, “Holler Back”
If your response to hearing “Holler Back” is to brag that you’ve got a holler back in the woods, I suggest that you and your music stay there.
#19
Trailer Choir, “Rockin’ the Beer Gut”
I appreciate the sincerity, but it can’t overcome the fact that he’s rockin’ the Autotune and singin’ the most ridiculous lyric of the year.
#18
Bucky Covington, “A Different World”
Bucky and I are roughly the same age, and I know for a fact that we grew up with seat belts, video games, and remote controls. What’s next, Taylor Swift singing about growing up without the internet?
#17
Toby Keith featuring Krystal, “Mockingbird”
As endearing as it is that Toby Keith wanted to help his daughter on to country radio, I have to ask the question: Why is one of country music’s greatest all-time vocalists aping James Taylor’s far less capable vocal stylings? Did we really need to hear Toby Keith sing, “Yes indeed-o?”
#16
Billy Ray Cyrus featuring Miley Cyrus, “Ready, Set, Don’t Go”
Then again, trying to help your daughter is a heck of a lot more sympathetic than riding on her coattails. I’d give this a pass if it was the original recording, but slapping Miley on to the track when the solo version is struggling at radio is just sad.
#15
Blake Shelton, “The Baby”
Or as he sings it, “The Bay-ay-bee.”
#14
Neal McCoy, “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On”
Of all of the nineties stars to make a one-off comeback, did it have to be the man who brought us “The Shake?”
#13
Gretchen Wilson, “All Jacked Up”
In which Wilson sees both her front tooth and her pickup truck damaged, and pundits are left debating which one best symbolizes what she’s done to her career.
#12
Brad Paisley, “Ticks”
A warning to all the ladies: If a stranger starts talking to you like this at a bar, please don’t follow him into the woods. It won’t end well.
#11
Trace Adkins, “Swing”
The strikes are called after you swing, not before them. Stupid songwriters.
The latest albums from Tim McGraw and George Strait are available for $5.00 each at Amazon’s MP3 store.
I was on the fence about the McGraw, but picked it up at this price. George Strait, of course, has long since been added to my collection. Got everything that guy’s done!
After Part 1 and Part 2 , we’re wading further into the sea of mediocrity.
The Worst Singles of the Decade, Part 3: #30-#21
#30
Terri Clark, “Dirty Girl”
Double entendres are a lot more enjoyable when the naughty meaning is the real one.
#29
Jamey Johnson, “The Dollar”
Real kids don’t talk like this.
#28
Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood, “Love Will Always Win”
This treacly ballad is the nadir of Trisha’s career and one “It’s Midnight Cinderella” away from being Garth’s as well.
#27
Darryl Worley, “Have You Forgotten?”
Featuring more straw men than a Wizard of Oz audition.
#26
Clint Black, “I Raq and Roll”
“Have You Forgotten?” without all the nuance and subtlety.
#25
Shania Twain and Billy Currington, “Party For Two”
Proof positive that spoken dialogue can ruin a song before it even begins.
#24
Martina McBride, “God’s Will”
He was dressed as a bag of leaves? That’s his costume? Hey, at least she didn’t kill him off in the last verse.
#23
Brooks & Dunn, “Play Something Country”
There are so many poorly written female characters in Brooks & Dunn songs, it’s hard to pick just one to represent them all. But I’ll give the nod to this one, simply because it has her howling the title to a melodic hook that’s a blatant rip-off of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Shut Up and Kiss Me.”
#22
Jason Aldean, “Johnny Cash”
The “country star as song name” trend hasn’t yielded anything worthwhile, but at least “Tim McGraw” and “Kristofferson” have some tenuous connection to their titular song. “Johnny Cash” is just shameless name-dropping.
#21
Gretchen Wilson, “Red Bird Fever”
In retrospect, this should’ve been a huge red flag that Wilson wasn’t built to last. My personal favorite moment of this St. Louis Cardinals shout-out comes in the chorus, when she sings “Let me get a big ‘Go Cards!’ from the Red Bird fans like me. Go Cards!” and the backup singers answer back, “Hell yeah!” because they couldn’t be bothered to change the “Redneck Woman” backing track.
It seems that 2009 has been a year of covers albums. Artists such as Aaron Tippin, Wynonna Judd, Tanya Tucker, and Rosanne Cash have all released worthwhile albums that have celebrated the songs of yesteryear within the last year. Now, to add to the list, Lorrie Morgan has just released her own tribute to tradition with a brand new project called A Moment in Time.
I don’t know about all of you, but this one almost slipped under the radar for me. As one of the middle tier female singers in the nineties, Morgan proved herself capable of singing various styles of music, but her love of and respect for traditional country music always lurked under the surface. So, this should be a welcome addition to the covers craze of 2009.
For an unknown amount of time, you can buy Morgan’s album of covers for just $3.99 at Amazon’s digital store.
Evidently, country artists in Nashville are damn proud to be from the country – so proud that they each feel the need to record a song proclaiming just this and, no less, release it to country radio. I’ve lost track of the number of these singles put out in the past year, a handful of which I’ve found to be borderline offensive. As a city girl with a heck of a lot of love for the spirit of country music, I’d rather not be made to feel like I’m being excluded from a members-only club.
And that’s why “Hillbilly Bone” is a raucous, boot-stompin’ breath of fresh air among its peers. It’s the opposite of exclusive: it’s Shelton and Adkins’ open invitation to join in on the honky-tonk fun, extended to everyone, because everyone — even you, New York urbanite — has a hillbilly bone. It’s not about where you’re from, but instead about how you feel when the “fiddle saws”: “No you ain’t gotta be born out in the sticks…to get on down with me.” Corny, but true.
“Hillbilly Bone” is a novelty song through and through, but it’s catchy and dynamic, and it laughs at itself (the consecutive “bubba”s in the second verse are pretty amusing). The only glaring problem is that it seems to be written for someone with Adkins’ swagger, and while his presence injects a certain amount of believability and punch into the song, you can’t help but wonder how four minutes of pure Adkins might have elevated the performance. Shelton and Adkins make an interesting combination of voices and attitude, though, and make an enjoyable case for finding your hillbilly bone…b-bone, b-bone bone.
“There is a God” is a thought that often crosses my mind when Lee Ann Womack is singing, so it’s somewhat appropriate that she’s released a song with that title. Of course, Womack’s more effective when she’s singing about Saturday night than she is about Sunday morning, unless she’s hating herself in the morning after that Saturday night.
I actually believe that the aesthetic explanation for the existence of God is a powerful one, which is the case that Womack makes here. She’s just not making the case very well. That’s mostly because of the lyrics, but her tepid performance certainly does a good part of the damage, too. If ever there was a time to sing with some conviction, this was it.
I also have to say that one line really rubbed me the wrong way and took this from a song that I could tolerate to one that made me too uncomfortable to listen to it again. At one point, she puts up as an example of God’s existence: “Hearing the doctor say, ‘I can’t explain it, but the cancer’s gone.’” That’s a line I’ve never heard a doctor say, as the disease has claimed one family member of mine after another in recent years. To follow the song to its logical conclusion, I’d have to believe that there is a God, but He’s selective with his miracles. I believe the former but not the latter.
Thankfully, the song wasn’t grabbing me before that line anyway. I’m sure this will be a big hit with a tie-in Hallmark book and all that, but I’ll sit this one out. When she’s back to being a honky tonk angel, let me know.
At this point in Toby Keith’s career, he is most associated with a tough guy, ultra-masculine persona that he is usually all too happy to perpetuate. So, it is always a pleasant treat when he slows things down and reminds us that he actually has one of the better voices in contemporary country music. Furthermore, his strong vocals naturally wrap around a ballad better than many of his more ballad heavy peers, which is well demonstrated in his latest single, the jazz style “Cryin’ for Me (Wayman’s Song)”.
As the parenthetical note suggests, “Cryin’ for Me” is a tribute to one of Keith’s very close friends, basketball star and jazz Bassist, Wayman Tisdale who died after losing his battle with cancer. Backed by a gentle jazz style production, including prominent saxophone (Dave Koz), the song opens with a recording of Wayman’s outgoing voice message, which is later effectively referenced:
“I got up and dialed your number and your voice came on the line;
That old familiar message I heard a thousand times.
It said, ‘Sorry that I missed you leave a message and God bless.’
I know you think I’m crazy, but I had to hear your voice, I guess.”
Instead of the typical generalities that are often in songs about the loss of loved ones, some of the lyrics of “Cryin’ for Me” are an insider’s look at the man about whom Keith is singing. Nevertheless, Keith’s palpable emotion is enough to make this song relatable to all who have lost. In one of the rare occasions that Keith abandons his typical macho swagger to expose himself in a more vulnerable way, we are privileged to experience a sensitive performance for a departed friend, as he acknowledges the truth that accompanies death for all of us: “I’m not cryin’ ‘cause I feel so sorry for you;/I’m Cryin’ for me.”
As we begin our look back on the last ten years in country music, we’re starting with the bottom. Over the next few days, you’ll be reading about the worst that country music sent to radio in the 2000s, much of which they actually played.
But first, a disclaimer. This list makes no attempt to objectively list the worst singles of the decade. If that’s what I was going for here, I’d just post a collection of homemade tracks and twenty Rascal Flatts singles and call it a day. Instead, this list takes a broader view, including songs from accomplished artists that were just disappointing, copycat and fad-chasing numbers, and just plain old mediocre efforts.
This isn’t the type of thing we normally do, but I’m sure I’ll hear what I’m right about, what I’m wrong about, and what I forgot to include in the first place! Look for the best-of lists to follow as the year starts winding down.
The Worst Singles of the Decade, Part 1: #50-#41
#50
Mark Wills, “19 Somethin’”
Pick a decade, man.
#49
Toby Keith, “Who’s Your Daddy?”
The biggest casualty of Keith’s ascent to superstardom was his quality check. When your label lets you put out anything and radio goes ahead and plays it, the blame must be spread around for such silliness as this.
#48
Halfway to Hazard, “Daisy”
In which a girl’s sole reasons for existing are to make a boy a man, lead him to God, and give him a child. After that, you can just kill her off in the final verse. This is why people hate country music.
#47
Martina McBride, “(I Never Promised You a) Rose Garden”
McBride’s bloodless cover of the Lynn Anderson classic lacks all of the layers of irony found in the original, but it secured its place on this list by the parenthetical addition to the title. “Oh, it’s that song about a rose garden!”
#46
Rascal Flatts, “Revolution”
Then again, if Martina sounds like she doesn’t get the layers of meaning in “Rose Garden”, Rascal Flatts make clear they have no idea at all what John Lennon was singing about on the White Album. That they have the audacity to start going “Shoo-be-doo-bop” in the background as Gary LeVox sings about Chairman Mao is simply insane.
#45
Joe Nichols, “If Nobody Believed In You”
He’s worried that God is finally giving up on mankind. He was able to keep the faith through all those epic wars and acts of genocide, but no prayers in public school pushed Him over the edge.
#44
Miranda Lambert, “Dead Flowers”
Person #1: “Wow, this song has no melody at all.”
Person #2: “Did she just compare herself to Christmas lights?”
Person #1: “And it just goes on forever. Who’s singing this anyway?”
Person #2: “It’s by….Miranda Lambert.”
Person #1: “Miranda Lambert?…..It’s…..brilliant!”
Person #2: “Yes. Brilliant!”
#43
Lady Antebellum, “Lookin’ For a Good Time”
She should look for an Autotuner instead.
#42
Billy Gilman, “She’s My Girl”
“The way she moves, the way she grooves. She drives me wild with her wild-child smile.” It took Billy Gilman singing a romantic song to make all of his inspirational songs seem painless in comparison.
When Rodney Crowell had his gold-selling commercial breakthrough with the album Diamonds & Dirt, his previous label was quick to capitalize on his success. Usually, pre-hit cash-in CDs are little more than a curiosity, but Crowell’s is the exception.
There is a smorgasbord of great material here, including early versions of songs that Crowell would see other artists have success with the same songs.
Some of Crowell’s strongest compositions are here, such as:
“‘Til I Gain Control Again”, a #1 hit for Crystal Gayle that was recorded earlier by Emmylou Harris
“I Ain’t Living Long Like This”, a #1 hit for Waylon Jennings that was recorded earlier by Emmylou Harris
“Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight”, a #1 hit for the Oak Ridge Boys that was recorded earlier by Emmylou Harris
“Ashes By Now”, a top five hit for Lee Ann Womack that was recorded earlier by Emmylou Harris
“I Don’t Have to Crawl”, a minor hit for Emmylou Harris that was later recorded by Rosanne Cash
“Shame on the Moon”, a top fifteen country hit for Bob Seeger
“Victim or a Fool”, a top forty hit for Crowell that was also recorded by Crystal Gayle
“Stars on the Water”, later covered by George Strait and Jimmy Buffett
How good was this guy’s ear? Even the songs he didn’t write went on to become hits, with Ricky Skaggs taking “Heartbroke” to #1 and Juice Newton scoring a massive pop hit with “Queen of Hearts.” The only thing missing here is “Elvira”, which Crowell also recorded first.
This has always been a budget collection, but now it’s incredibly affordable – twelve tracks for $5.49. Given that Warner is asking for $9.90 for the far inferior Pam Tillis Collection, which includes only ten tracks, this one’s a steal.
Time’s running short. If your personal least favorite wasn’t in Part 1, Part 2 , or Part 3, perhaps it will turn up now.
After 
Evidently, country artists in Nashville are damn proud to be from the country – so proud that they each feel the need to record a song proclaiming just this and, no less, release it to country radio. I’ve lost track of the number of these singles put out in the past year, a handful of which I’ve found to be borderline offensive. As a city girl with a heck of a lot of love for the spirit of country music, I’d rather not be made to feel like I’m being excluded from a members-only club.
“There is a God” is a thought that often crosses my mind when Lee Ann Womack is singing, so it’s somewhat appropriate that she’s released a song with that title. Of course, Womack’s more effective when she’s singing about Saturday night than she is about Sunday morning, unless she’s hating herself in the morning after that Saturday night.
The banality continues. Read Part 1 
At this point in Toby Keith’s career, he is most associated with a tough guy, ultra-masculine persona that he is usually all too happy to perpetuate. So, it is always a pleasant treat when he slows things down and reminds us that he actually has one of the better voices in contemporary country music. Furthermore, his strong vocals naturally wrap around a ballad better than many of his more ballad heavy peers, which is well demonstrated in his latest single, the jazz style “Cryin’ for Me (Wayman’s Song)”.
As we begin our look back on the last ten years in country music, we’re starting with the bottom. Over the next few days, you’ll be reading about the worst that country music sent to radio in the 2000s, much of which they actually played.
When Rodney Crowell had his gold-selling commercial breakthrough with the album Diamonds & Dirt, his previous label was quick to capitalize on his success. Usually, pre-hit cash-in CDs are little more than a curiosity, but Crowell’s is the exception.
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