Single Review: Florida Georgia Line, “Anything Goes”

Florida Georgia Line Anything Goes

“Anything Goes”

Florida Georgia Line

Written by Felix McTeigue, Chris Tompkins, and Craig Wiseman

A piece of trash so shamelessly awful that it is beyond parody.   Beyond comprehension.  Almost beyond comment.

To observe that Florida Georgia Line’s work barely qualifies as country music  seems pointless, given that it barely qualifies as music in the first place.  It’s noise.  Loud, irritating, soulless, pandering, patronizing noise.   This record is so bad that it should end with an apology and a voucher for time lost that the listener can never get back.

Whoever their audience is, they won’t stick around for long, and hearing this song twenty years from now will bring back mortifying memories of downloading it on release date and jamming to it on the way to whatever final destination will bring the blessing of silence.

Because the only good thing about this song is that it ends, and that I never have to listen to it again.

Grade: F

 

32 Comments

  1. I actually didnt hate Dirt, i thought it at least showed a bit of restraint with the production & minimal maturation lyrically so i had a faint glimmer of hope these guys may be growing up… Those hopes were dashed with this dreadful release!!!about the only positive thing i can say for this is i personally prefer this to This is How We Roll, of course i consider that one of the two worst singles of all time so that isnt exactly a ringing endorsement!

  2. It’s common practice, artists release songs digitally pre-album release to create buzz.

    As for the song, I actually like it. Still think Joey Moi is the worst producer out there right now, but it’s really catchy and I think they do this type of stuff better than say, Chase Rice.

  3. Every single thing that’s horribly wrong with modern popular music today, let alone country music, is defined by this song. What a truly awful piece of work. Work so bad it surpasses songs like “Brown Chicken, Brown Cow”and “Burning It Doing”. Hopefully this starts the official end to Florida Georgia Line, it surly deserves to be their end point.

  4. I’m kind of behind the times with mainstream country music at this point, but I guess I have seen other artists do this recently.

    The music is a wall of noise and I cannot handle the flat, grading vocals of this duo. Kevin’s adjective of “soulless” is perfect.

  5. The song is appalling, but it’s inspired one of CM’s best all-time reviews, so it least it’s given something to the world! :)

  6. I have heard “Anything Goes” on ESPN before they head to commercial during College Football games. Snippets aren’t enough to render my judgment.

    Shouldn’t a reviewer listen to a song more than one time? ;)

    Please review “Lay Low” by Josh Turner for a good song.

  7. To be honest, I loved Florida Georgia Line’s earliest singles. Also, their work before “Cruise” was solid. “Man, I am Today” was a brilliant, touching song about life. They had a nice production with catchy, slightly clever lyrics of fantasy. Now, their lyrics are so overwrought I am embarrassed to admit I like them.

    “Victoria Secret is no longer a secret.” Really?!!!!!

    These guys claim to be Christians in a book about Christian country stars. They are far from the writer of the foreword: Josh Turner. As a Christian, I am ashamed to hear their words about women. King David wrote Psalms that will last to Gabriel’s trumpet and they weren’t about Bathsheba’s booty.

    I guess heartfelt romance is disdained both by men and women.

  8. I apologize for the avalanche of comments. But I need to know.

    Is this a double meaning line?

    “I want to put you on the kitchen sink, stick a pink umbrella in your drink”

    Because I still want some innocence.

  9. “Shouldn’t a reviewer listen to a song more than one time? ;)”

    Technically, Kevin didn’t say that he only listened to this once, but I think it would be fair for him to get a pass this time if he had.

  10. …ah naw, countryknight. where have the days gone, when an “8 seconds ride” involved animals and “big green tractors” came with at least 4 large rubber things on them.

  11. This review made my morning!

    Utter trash. Just when I think modern mainstream country music couldn’t get any lower, it outdoes itself yet again.

  12. Leeann Ward:

    I figured that. Just having a bit of fun with one of my favorite reviewers!

    Tom:

    Those songs weren’t vulgar and you know it!

  13. Since it looks like the YouTube video of this god-awful piece of bro-country dreck has been taken down, there’s four minutes of my life that I’ll still have (LOL).

  14. I have a good idea where it comes from, but I’d like to know who is really behind this effort to exploit country fans like they are mindless sex-bots with a common core mindset? So many artists are subtly hinting that their labels are pushing them away from creativity and more toward connect-the-dots music that combines loud with redundancy and mind-numbing escapism. It’s almost an effort to strip everything that is “country” out of country music.
    I compare it to the demise of “Longmire” on A&E, where the network decided nobody wanted to watch their highest rated show… it was simply too western and country for today’s viewer. You tell me… who told them that?
    These Florida-Georgia Line songs will get played a hundred times more than anything with meaning because they convey what someone is currently showing in their audience test results.

  15. As long as people continue to get brainwashed by the bro-country notion that country is all about beer-swigging, tailgates, blonde chicks with “booties”, dirt roads, and endless frat-boy parties, then they’re all going to keep churning out this same mindless “product.” But in the long run, they will do a hell of a lot of damage to the country music genre that all the profits that are generated out of this trend can’t repair.

  16. “Bro-country” is giving a bad name to escapism.

    Leeann, we are demanding because this site gives some of the best reviews on the web and I’m a huge Josh Turner fan!

  17. Ideally, one should listen to a song more than once before reviewing it, yes. However, some songs transcend that rule. Florida Georgia Line has a habit of putting out songs so atrociously bad that they don’t require more than one listen to render a fair opinion.

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