“Somewhere On a Beach”
Written by Jaron Boyer, Dave Kuncio, Josh Mirenda, Alex Palmer, and Michael Tyler
Dierks Bentley has, in a quiet and underrated way, become one of the most consistent hitmakers in country music today. He’s also one of the few singers out there who’s unafraid to color outside the established lines for country singers in the 2010s. While his competition was scrambling to duet with the likes of Nelly or Kid Rock, Bentley teamed up with Punch Brothers and Jamey Johnson. When he releases a song that includes drinking or ‘Merica, he does so in a thoughtful (“Home”) or humorous (“Drunk on a Plane”) way. Sure, every now and again he releases a dud as a single, but his hit/miss ratio is one of the best in the business.
“Somewhere on a Beach,” though, is bad, on a scale not really seen since “5-1-5-0.” Somewhere on a Beach” sounds like what would happen when five (five!) songwriters, none of whom are named Dierks Bentley, try to get together to write a sequel to “Drunk on a Plane.” Unfortunately, they do so without including any of the wit or charm of the original. It’s a dreary, slo-jam slog through all the expected lyrics about beaches, a hot woman and “gettin’ sun, gettin’ some.” They do manage to include lyrics that rhyme “body” and “naughty,” so there’s that.
“Somewhere on a Beach” will be on Bentley’s upcoming album, Black, which is supposed to be a candid, relationship-centered album. How this song figures into the equation is anyone’s best guess. Maybe “Somewhere on a Beach Summer Tour” has a catchier, more attractive ring to it than “The Black Tour.” Maybe the aforementioned “5-1-5-0” (somebody call the po-po… yikes) was a #1 hit and the outstanding “Riser” didn’t crack the Top 20. Whatever the case, Bentley’s track record has earned him significant leeway, so even a subpar first single doesn’t diminish hopes for a superior album.