Written by Luke Bryan, Michael Carter, and Jay Clementi
A song so colossally stupid that it can’t even achieve the offensiveness that it is entitled to.
Here’s the premise. A northern girl in possession of “a rockin’ little body with a Yankee strut” moves to the south into a “tin roof house” and falls in with “some southern belles” and “cuts her jeans off with a rebel yell.”
Yes, after only a short stay in the south, she not only becomes the noxious stereotype of a southern girl that Bryan and his ilk promote, she enthusiastically embraces checking her brain at the door and becoming nothing more than eye candy for the dudes. Don’t take that “rebel yell” seriously, right? What on earth can a girl understand about the implications of supporting the Confederacy a century and a half after the Civil War ended?
“Move” completely discards the true demographic changes going on in the New South, the ones that have transformed Virginia from a solid red to a solid blue state over the past decade and have turned North Carolina and Georgia into swing states. Yes, northern women (and men) are moving to the south. But most of them don’t have “long blond hair” and it’s completely implausible that they wish the south would’ve won.
This song is mind-numbingly dumb. It assumes a complete lack of independent thought and personal conviction, as if such things are carried only by the Y chromosome. It assumes southern identity is as easily slipped on as a pair of boots, and it assumes that a northern identity would be casually discarded as soon as the Mason-Dixon line is crossed.
One of the worst records of the decade, and given how the bottom has fallen out since 2010, this might be the only notable achievement this record is capable of.