Single Review: Luke Bryan, “Move”

“Move”
Luke Bryan

Written by Luke Bryan, Michael Carter, and Jay Clementi

A song so colossally stupid that it can’t even achieve the offensiveness that it is entitled to.

Here’s the premise. A northern girl in possession of “a rockin’ little body with a Yankee strut” moves to the south into a “tin roof house” and falls in with “some southern belles” and “cuts her jeans off with a rebel yell.”

Yes, after only a short stay in the south, she not only becomes the noxious stereotype of a southern girl that Bryan and his ilk promote, she enthusiastically embraces checking her brain at the door and becoming nothing more than eye candy for the dudes. Don’t take that “rebel yell” seriously, right? What on earth can a girl understand about the implications of supporting the Confederacy a century and a half after the Civil War ended?

“Move” completely discards the true demographic changes going on in the New South, the ones that have transformed Virginia from a solid red to a solid blue state over the past decade and have turned North Carolina and Georgia into swing states. Yes, northern women (and men) are moving to the south. But most of them don’t have “long blond hair” and it’s completely implausible that they wish the south would’ve won.

This song is mind-numbingly dumb. It assumes a complete lack of independent thought and personal conviction, as if such things are carried only by the Y chromosome. It assumes southern identity is as easily slipped on as a pair of boots, and it assumes that a northern identity would be casually discarded as soon as the Mason-Dixon line is crossed.

One of the worst records of the decade, and given how the bottom has fallen out since 2010, this might be the only notable achievement this record is capable of.

Grade: F

 

 

8 Comments

  1. Jason Aldean gives it an A+ for not being too songwriterly.

    Kidding aside, amazing review. You certainly put more time and effort into your thoughts on this than the writers of this song did making it.

  2. A-T-R-O-C-I-O-U-S!

    Your review says it all, Kevin. But even more than that, it’s proof that, to paraphrase Mark Twain’s famous line, rumors of Bro-Country’s demise (and ballcap-worn-backwards “dudes” like Luke Bryan) are greatly exaggerated.

  3. Agree with the Kephart & North comments. Terrible song. As far as identity goes, after 10 years in Nashville, I still consider myself to be a northerner. 60 years as a New Yorker will do that. Sadly, those demographics changes you mentioned haven’t changed tn from red to blue so the man the NY Times called “the worst nominee put forward by a major party in modern American history” will almost certainly win here in November.

  4. I generally am not a fan of Luke Bryan’s music. This single represents another reason why I am not. Yet, he has a good voice, well suited for country, has occasionally put out some good singles and has what appears to be a genuinely inviting personality. He serves neither himself nor his fans well with output like this. He can do so much better. I agree that the song is charting very well, yet he would chart well, too, with much better music. And, in that context, I would be pleased for him.

  5. I agree that the song is lacking on too many fronts to discuss. But I have one major problem with it: why would a man- at age forty- still wear a baseball cap backwards? To me the greatest insult of “bro-country”, outside of its clear misogynistic traits, is the way it reduces grown men to frat boys. At forty, with a strong marriage and two kids, why would any man want to appeal to a women as some sort of country Peter Pan? If you can’t let go of your youth then you can’t grow up- good voice or not. And Zackary I am still laughing over your clever comment!

  6. CraigR, you hit the nail on the head with your comment about these grown men in their late 30s/early 40s trying to act 19 or 20 years old. This infuriates me how they can not only degrade themselves, but especially their wife and kids with this ridiculous frat-boy image.

    but it’s not just Bro-Country that’s guilty of this. Tim McGraw still wears shirts three sizes too small, Ronnie Dunn still that ridiculous hairstyle he’s had for decades, and Reba dresses like she’s an ingĂ©nue headed off to ride ponies and wave her hat at the rodeo.

    I’m not saying they have to walk around with a cane or act ancient, but stop insulting our intelligence by acting like you’re the main attraction at a beer-drinking frat party or at a wet t-shirt/hard body contest.

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