Wednesday Open Thread: Worst Song Lyrics Ever!

by

July 15, 2008

I’m not above lifting another open thread topic from Spinner. They listed what they consider The 20 Worst Song Lyrics Ever, with topping the list. Country music is represented by Shania Twain, showing up at #8 for this line from “Honey I’m Home” – “My panty line shows, got a run in my hose. My hair went flat. Man, I hate that!”

Now in a list with twenty entries, there was certainly room for more than one country song. My first instinct was from Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue”, where he says that in response to the 9/11 tragedies, “The Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist.”

While that would be a great way for her to burn her hand, it’s not any more fitting a use of that image of freedom than when the Bangles had her walk like an Egyptian in their music video.

But tempting as it was to go with Toby, I remembered a line that was far worse, courtesy of Faith Hill’s atrocious album cut, “Bringing Out the Elvis.” In all seriousness, she sings:

When I’m with you
I never have to feel like a sardine
In a little metal can
I’m more like a wild shark
That travels in a pink limousine, yeah
Yeah, together with my fans

Yes, my friends.  Somebody actually wrote that down on paper, and got a top star to record it.  Since it was on the Breathe album, it made them a good chunk of money, too.   Sort of a happy train wreck.

What do you think are the worst country song lyrics?

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  1. menachem says:

    I can’t stand it when songs rhyme a word with that same word. An example that comes to mind is Emerson Drive’s “I Should Be Sleeping”. “I should be sleepin’/Instead of keepin’ these late hours/I’ve been keepin’”.

    I love the song but it irks me every time I hear that.

  2. Stephen H.No Gravatar says:

    I’ll be honest, for a while I had a grudge against Trisha Yearwood for “Perfect Love”:

    “Yeah, this is a perfect love
    We’re doing nothing but what a perfect love does.”

    No duh.

    Any line from “Bob That Head.”

    I’ve also wondered why, other than a poor rhyme, Big & Rich would be scaring the hell out of Marilyn Manson while in Ohio.

  3. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    This is a great topic. To go with what was said above, I hate it when songs repeat a line like in “Red High Heels” or “Every Promise That Remains.” To me, it doesn’t add to the integrity of the song and they could easily find a line to rhyme with the preceding line.

  4. LanibugNo Gravatar says:

    I am sure this will start a controversy – but I hate the song “Jesus take the Wheel” – specifically the line -

    She threw her hands up in the air

    And then Jesus took the Wheel — sorry nothing annoys me more than just about any other song I can think of –

    And I have to agree with Bob that Head —

    As to scaring Marilyn Manson out of Ohio, he is originally from Northern Ohio, which is the only reason I can think of for that line –

  5. Rodney in South Carolina says:

    The line in Sara Evans’ “Cheatin’” when she sings,

    “How do you like that paper plate
    And those pork ‘n’ beans you’re eatin’”

    makes me want to punch myself in the kidney everytime I hear it. Those lyrics make me cringe just to write them. I even heard that after hearing the demo for that song, she said that there was no way she’d ever sing that corny line. She says her husband finally convinced her to do it (now her ex-husband), and all is history.

  6. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    “How do you like that paper plate
    And those pork ‘n’ beans you’re eatin’”

    Rodney, I can understand your problem with that line, but I kind of like it. To me, it just represents that since he cheated, he’s reduced to eating pork and beans from a paper plate rather than the domesticity of eating a good home cooked meal from a regular plate. It’s funny to me, because it makes the guy look pathetic, which is what he gets for cheatin’.:)

  7. BrodyNo Gravatar says:

    I eat pork and beans from a paper plate =(

  8. J.R. JourneyNo Gravatar says:

    I eat them right out of the can sometimes, Brody …

  9. KevinNo Gravatar says:

    Leeann,

    Harlan Howard once said that the weaker the song title is, the more you have to repeat it for it to sink in with listeners. He used his own “Why Not Me” as a case in point.

    I think it’s cool when a song is strong enough to only say the title once, but you still remember it. Madonna’s “Take a Bow” is a great example of that.

  10. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    I eat pork and beans from nothing, ’cause I hate them!:)

    Kevin, I like those kinds of songs too. Unfortunately, the only song I can think of right now is “The River”, which isn’t what I consider one of the strongest songs out there. I’m gonna keep thinking.

  11. LynnNo Gravatar says:

    The first song that came to mind was Rodney Atkins’ cringe-worthy “Watching You”:

    “Drivin’ through town just my boy and me
    With a Happy Meal in his booster seat
    Knowin’ that he couldn’t have the toy ‘til his nuggets were gone.

    He said, “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
    I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.”

    I’m sure I’ll have more…

  12. Chris N.No Gravatar says:

    I laughed my head off at Rascal Flatts’ “It’s Not Supposed to Go Like That,” which I’m guessing was not the intended effect. The capper is when the teenagers don’t just die as the result of drunk driving, but because they get hit by a train. That’s like jumping off a building and getting hit by a bus before you hit the ground.

  13. JeffNo Gravatar says:

    The comment about “Watching You” by Rodney Atkins is funny. I was riding around with some friends last week, and it came on. I mentioned to my friends then that no one should ever sing a country song with the line “turnin’ on my son’s Scooby-Doo nightlight”. Probably best not to refer to Scooby Doo at all.

  14. TomNo Gravatar says:

    jake owens “oily woman – song” of lately was the kind of material that just left one speechless and full of questionsmarks.

    pork n’ beans is a very traditional swiss army c-ration that every soldier calls “john wayne” – god, everybody hates that stuff.

  15. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    Jake–

    I hate to even know this, but “achy Breaky Heart” was sung by Billy Ray Cyrus, not Billy Dean. If it weren’t for the guitar, I’d hate that song too. What horrible lyrics!

    As for “Our Song”, I’ve mentioned it before (but this thread gives me the chance to rant once again about it, but the line that says “talk real slow ’cause your mama dont know” annoys me to no end. Why slow and not low? How will talking slow conceal that you’re talking on the phone when you’re not supposed to. I can yell a sentence slowly and people will detect the sound just as easily as they would if I rapidly yelled the same sentence. I think she should go back in the studio and rerecord the song just to change the line. I mean, seriously, nobody caught that it didn’t make sense before it was released to the public? The least she could do is change when she sings it live…or a written apology would be okay too.:)

  16. Anonymous says:

    LeeAnn,
    I completely understand what the songwriter is conveying by including that line, and yes, I guess you’ve hit rock bottom when pork ‘n’ beans are palatable. Nonetheless, those lyrics are extra “Chessy.” I like to substitute frozen meals for “pork and beans” when I sing the song. But, then again, he probably couldn’t afford frozen meals at that point!!! :o) Other than that….I LOOOVE the song!

    On a side note, some of the best lyrics I ever heard are from Patty Loveless’ “You’ll Never Leave Harlan Alive”.

    “Where the sun comes up about ten in the mornin’
    And the sun goes down about three in the day
    And you’ll fill your cup with whatever bitter brew you’re drinkin’
    And you spend your life diggin’ coal from the bottom of your grave”

    Esp. that last line…it gets me EVERY time!

    Thanks

    To all concerning the Rodney Atkins song…scooby doo and the nuggets…what a combo that makes me wanna hurl and cuss at the same time…kinda like Little Bear did!

  17. Rodney in South Carolina says:

    The previous ANONYMOUS WAS ME!!! SORRY!

  18. [...] Country Universe has an open call for you to nominate the worst lyrics from a country song. [...]

  19. GregNo Gravatar says:

    The Watching You song always gets me too because the lyrics to me are awkward in the spot where he sings “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool. I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.”

    When I hear it, it always sounds like he’s saying his Dad ain’t cool…so it always made me wonder why the kid wanted to be like his dad if he thought his dad was a loser. LOL I think maybe it’s just the way he sings it and puts the pause in the wrong place, I just hear it that way.

  20. RainbowNo Gravatar says:

    How come Jessica Simpson hasn’t gotten a shout?

    Leave your dishes in the sink
    Leave the ice cubes in your drink
    Just come on over

    Leave your coat behind the door
    Leave your laundry on the floor
    Just come on over

    I rest my case

  21. Carolyn (rainy nights)No Gravatar says:

    I’d like to nominate the song that the group Hot Apple Pie had out a few years ago called “Hillbillies.” “Hillbillies love it in the hay” – yech. Jason Aldean’s “Hicktown” also deserves a mention just for the line about the neighbor’s butt crack.

  22. Kent says:

    Commenting on Julianne Hough’s song, the part that bugs me about the lines

    “I keep searchin’ the radio
    I just wanna hear it
    So I can watch that video”

    is that she says “so”, which would suggest that watching the video comes as a result of hearing the song on the radio, and that she can ONLY watch the video after she hears it on the radio. This is of courser absurd, because there are times when I have seen a video before I have heard the song on the radio.

    I hate when a singer repeats the same line over and over. For example, Martina McBride’s song “How I Feel”, or the awful rap song “Party Like a Rockstar”, which I think I counted them saying that line 72 times. One of the most pressing country examples of this comes from Charlie Major, who sings two very repetitive songs: Better World and (I Do It) For the Money.

    “I believe in a better world” (repeated 3 or 4 times)
    “For you and me, I believe in a better world”

    At least Brad Paisley bother to make It Did interesting when he does it. Charlie Major just makes me want to punch myself.

    As for songs that Kevin mentioned that have titles that are strong enough to say only once, my favorite example would be Hedley’s For the Nights I Can’t Remember, in which the title is only mentioned in the bridge. Plus, it’s an amazing song.

  23. Rodney in South Carolina says:

    Carolyn….you are so right about “Hicktown”….”his woman’s smoking Pall Malls watching Laura Ingalls” makes me want to destroy every Little House on the Praire VHS I own (don’t ask!). That song is bleechh!!!

  24. JoeNo Gravatar says:

    Julianne Hough’s song ain’t that bad. It helps that she’s only 19 and I (at least) wasn’t anticipating anything too deep to come from her. There’s an innocent youthful wistfulness to it that I enjoy. While I can admit that rhyming “radio” with “video” is a tad too easy, the lyrics actually do make sense:

    I just wanna hear it
    So I can watch that video
    I got in my head of a blue-eyed boy…

    It’s interesting also to find that so many of us dislike “Watching You” and yet it’s been one of the biggest songs on radio the past year or so. I thought I was the only one who cringed and turned the station when Rodney and his nuggets came on.

  25. PeterNo Gravatar says:

    One of the most awkward parts of Watching You (to me anyways) is the line in the second verse that throws the meter off completely. “He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands. Spoke to God like he was talkin’ to a friend.” The whole song comes to a grinding halt when I hear that…

    Phil Vassar, while a great songwriter sometimes comes up with lines that, while clever, sound out of place (again to me) in simple songs…e.g. “remarks Widow Callahan” in “Love Is A Beautiful Thing”. It’s sorta like hearing a baseball player say the word “Aforementioned” – unnatural…

  26. Hard TimesNo Gravatar says:

    Let’s not forget Darryl Worley rhyming “bin Laden” with “have you forgotten.”

  27. Dan M.No Gravatar says:

    Kevin, those Faith Hill lyrics just went straight into my favorite quotes on facebook. Incredible.

    I’m having such a hard time with this thread. Way too much to choose from. I’ll have to come back later.

  28. Jim MalecNo Gravatar says:

    Your love is like a red umbrella
    Walk the streets like Cinderella
    Everyone can see it on my face

    Did you really even have to ask!?

  29. Philly JeffNo Gravatar says:

    The worst song lyric ever is basically any line in “Double S” by Bill Anderson. How a man who had a hand in “City Lights”, “Once a Day”, “Whiskey Lullaby” and “Give It Away” could also write “Double S” is beyond me. The whole song is about a woman at a bar wearing a gold chain with her initials: “SS”. The song describes how Bill has a one-night stand with a bunch of word couplings each beginning with the letter “s”.

    A small sampling of the worst he had to offer is below. It made me sad to hear Bill sing (or rather, whisper) “you are a super sexy lady”.

    She slid across the seat and snuggled up close to my side
    And I began to run my fingers through her hair
    It was soft’n’silky. I opened the door to her room
    My lips found her lips and I held her close
    And whispered, ”You are a super-sexy lady
    She simply smiled.

    Here’s a link to the song: http://www.lyricsdownload.com/bill-anderson-double-s-lyrics.html

  30. LJNo Gravatar says:

    Curses for making me look up the lyrics to “Bob That Head”!!
    “Rascal Flattin’ all night”? Seriously??

    I didn’t think lyrics could get much cheesier than Shania’s. She sounds straight out of Songwriting 101 with her rhyming dictionary.

    “The car won’t start-it’s falling apart
    I was late for work and the boss got smart
    My pantyline shows-got a run in my hose
    My hair went flat-man, I hate that
    Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse
    I realized I forgot my purse
    With all this stress-I must confess
    This could be worse than PMS

    This job ain’t worth the pay
    Can’t wait ’til the end of the day
    Honey, I’m on my way
    Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

    Honey, I’m home and I had a hard day
    Pour me a cold one and oh, by the way
    Rub my feet, gimme something to eat
    Fix me up my favorite treat
    Honey, I’m back, my head’s killing me
    I need to relax and watch TV
    Get off the phone-give the dog a bone
    Hey! Hey! Honey, I’m home!

    I broke a nail opening the mail
    I cursed out loud ’cause it hurt like hell
    This job’s a pain-it’s so mundane
    It sure don’t stimulate my brain”

  31. Chris N.No Gravatar says:

    Holy cow, I forgot about “Double S.” Nothing could top that.

  32. J.R. JourneyNo Gravatar says:

    Have to mention Toby Keith’s output on this last decade … While Toby made some great records in the early 90s, he really started to suck around the time songs like ‘Getcha Some’, ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ and possible the worst one of all – ‘I Wanna Talk About Me’, a song that mentions runs in pantyhose and moisturizer cream just isn’t much in my book.

    This is really a great thread … When I think of some more, I will be back to post …

  33. Jim MalecNo Gravatar says:

    I never full appreciated “Ticks” until I lived in a place (this summer) where there are an abnormally large amount of them. When I (somehow) ended up with a tick in a place where–trust me–you never want to get one, I came to realize just how clever that lyric really is.

    Now, the fact that it took me a profoundly uncomfortable personal expierience to “get it’ might be a problem in terms of the overall long-term viability of the lyric…but I don’t think we could reasonably call it one of the worst songs EVER.

  34. Paul W DennisNo Gravatar says:

    While George Jones may be the greatest country singer who ever lived (according to some, anyway – he’s in my top ten) in his 50+ years as a recording artist, he’s recorded some appalling songs – here’s one – “I’m A People” written by the great Dallas Frazier (a rare misstep):

    Now if I was a monkey a workin’ for a livin’
    I’d be a gittin’ instead of a givin’
    A hangin’ by my tail waitin’ for the dinnerbell
    Puttin’ humans on

    Everday them fools rush in
    And lay down the cash and watch me grin
    I’d put ‘em all on I’d hum a little song
    Watch ‘em all go tee-hee

    But I spell a P a little bitty E
    Sweet bop bop bop shooby dooby dough and a little round O
    Now you add another P a big skinny L
    Plus a one more E and you got a people that looks like me

    I couldn’t find the lyrics to “The Poor Chinee”

    “High Tech Redneck” was no gem either:

    He’s got thirteen channels of wrestling comin’ in strong from a satellite send
    A two hundred function remote control big screen TV with stereo
    Football baseball nascar too with picture in a picture it’s all in view
    And if it comes on just a little too late with his VCR’s he’ll get it on tape
    He’s a high-tech redneck Mayberry meets Startrek

  35. LJNo Gravatar says:

    Paul W Dennis… if I didn’t know better, I would SWEAR you were making those up! LOL!!
    I’m just gonna tell myself that there had to be an outside liquid influence in GJ’s choosing those tunes.

    I also love the Faith Hill lyrics posted. Just no.
    Have to nominate “Shift Work” by Chesney and Strait. Good night… that song is B-A-D! (and not in a good way)

  36. Kent says:

    I forgot to comment about how much I love the Faith Hill lyrics posted. I never thought I read lyrics about a shark who rides a pink limo!

    And the “Our Song” thing… I’ve noticed it, but never let it bug me, but that is very interesting, especially since “low” would have rhymed!

    Although this isn’t country, I find it very odd. From “Little Joanna” by McFly, we get:

    “Little Joanna’s like a laser beam sky
    Gluteous maximus like a firefly
    And that’s why I’m a kissophobic
    Where cellulite dreams are made like lemonade
    But when the shivers are salty and sea foams the color of space
    She will always be my sun-kissed trampoline
    She goes up and down in my heart
    Turned into jelly beans”

  37. Dan M.No Gravatar says:

    I love “Ticks.” Don’t care what nobody says.

    I think the Faith lyrics probably take the cake, but Buddy Jewell put up a pretty good fight recently:

    This ain’t Mexico
    Sorry, partner, but we don’t “hablo”
    We love margaritas and them sizzlin’ fajitas
    But we still remember the Alamo
    Don’t make no difference how you spin it
    You wanna live here,
    There’s a line; get in it!

    I don’t mind political statements as long as they a) make sense and b) don’t belittle the opposing point of view. This one fails amazingly on both fronts.

  38. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    Ah, Dan, don’t get me started on that Buddy Jewel song…

    I, too, can’t help but enjoy “Ticks.” It’s the lyrics that I like though, I’m not big on the guitar thing at the beginning.

    Paul, “High Tech Redneck” was the very first George Jones song I heard, so it holds a special place in my heart and I’ve grown to really appreciate and enjoy his music. This is not to say, however, that the lyrics aren’t pretty horrible. “I Am A People” is definitely appalling.

  39. Paul W DennisNo Gravatar says:

    LJ – in defense of the Possum – George Jones recorded for the Musicor label from 1965 to 1970. During this period Musicor had only three acts that sold: George Jones, Gene Pitney and the fading but still excellent Platters. Musicor horrendously over-recorded Jones issuing 29 albums (perhaps more) during Jones tenure with the label, plus when Musicor went under, RCA purchased the rights and issued another five or so albums of previously recorded and largely unreleased material. When you are releasing five or six albums a year (some of which were double LPs) there is bound to be some chaff . I’ve seen George perform live several times and I don’t recall him ever performing stuff like “4033″ , “The Poor Chinee”, “Love Bug” or “I’m A People” – I’m not sure George ever intended some of these songs to be released or issued as singles. “4033″ , “I’m A People” and “Love Bug” were big hits

  40. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    He did replicate “Love Bug” on the Bradley Barnes Sessions (in 1994?) with Vince Gill. So, I wonder if he’s actually ashamed of that one?

  41. KevinNo Gravatar says:

    I love George Strait’s cover of “Love Bug.”

  42. Dan M.No Gravatar says:

    Paul. Will you please put your absurdly extensive knowledge of country music history to use and start a blog of your own already? Not that I don’t appreciate your comments here, but you know so much that I’m starting to feel like your insight is going to waste. It’s almost depressing, because I can only imagine how much I and other younger country music fans could learn about the genre from you. And I think you’d enjoy it. Seriously. Think about it. Please?

  43. LynnNo Gravatar says:

    It’s too bad to ignore:

    “Hey Mister! Yeah, I kissed her !
    Son! You ought to see her sister!!!…
    Ya’ gotta give a little something to a cold dog cat,
    finding him a woman who can shake like that,
    HOTTIE ! She’s a Hottie !!! Got a smokin’ little body !
    String bikini and a barbed-wire tat
    She’s a rockin’ that cowboy hat !
    HOTTIE ! She’s a Hottie !!! and just a little bit naughty !
    Ki yi diggy diggy, Ki yi diggy diggy, yey HEY hey HEY …. ”

    I won’t even touch his others…

    Here’s another gem: Rascal Flatts’ “Backwards”

    “Ya get your first and second wives back
    Your front porch swing
    Your pretty little thing
    Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring”

  44. LynnNo Gravatar says:

    Also, country music has been very “liberal” these days – and NOT in a good way! It doesn’t seem to be a country song these days unless it is very suggestive. I’m definitely not a prude but I can’t stand the following songs AND videos. IMO, they have no redeeming qualities.

    Trace Adkins “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9VzEulip9Q

    Jessica Simpson “Come on Over”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIl7PGHVjdU

    Clay Walker “‘Fore She Was Mama”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNAPseCPk-g

    Sugarland “All I Want to Do:” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSyeto050ZU

    Carrie Underwood “Last Name”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zok3tTtqkoI

  45. KevinNo Gravatar says:

    Lynn,
    You are going to LOVE tomorrow’s open thread.

  46. Erik NorthNo Gravatar says:

    How about these lyrics, from “Iraq And I Roll” by Clint Black:

    “Iraq, I rack ‘em up and I roll,
    I’m back and I’m a hi-tech GI Joe.
    I pray for peace, prepare for war
    and I never will forget ~
    there’s no price too high for freedom
    so be careful where you tread.
    This terror isn’t man to man,
    they can be no more than cowards.
    If they won’t show us their weapons
    we might have to show them ours.”

    Even for a pro-war (I refuse to call this a pro-troops) song, this is lame, heavy-handed, and dumb!

  47. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    I like Strait’s cover too. I remember though when we were young, one of my sister’s absolutely hated it, so I’d torture her with it and turn it up everytime it came on the radio. I wonder if she remember that?:)

  48. Tad says:

    Ugh. Just bringing up “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” gives me hives.

    But I’m here to jog people’s memories about “Redneck Girl” by the Bellamy Brothers – in particular this charming verse.

    Redneck girl got her name on the back of her belt
    She got a kiss on her lips for her man and noone else
    Coyote’s howling out on the prairie
    First comes love, then comes marriage.

  49. LanibugNo Gravatar says:

    At least I am not the only one who is annoyed by Carrie Underwood – lyrics – and there are several songs listed that I cannot stand – but several others that I happen to like –

  50. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of the Belamy Brothers, there are several lyrics of theirs that I dislike, including “If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me.” Maybe someone thinks that’s charming, but not me. Ick.

  51. Stephen H.No Gravatar says:

    I think it’s “charming” in the same way that Brad Paisley wanted “Ticks” to be “charming.” I like both songs, personally.

  52. LeeannNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think “Ticks” was necessarily charming either though. I think it was meant to be ridiculous, which it was.

  53. CeliaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm….as for songs that are repetitive what about Chris Cagle’s “My love goes on and on.” That song always seems to go on and on to me and it drives me crazy!

  54. Russ BermanNo Gravatar says:

    Great thread! Just wanted to add to the “Watching You” comments. A demo producer I know recently told me these lyrics remind him of the kind of material his amateur client songwriters bring in to be recorded.

    Also, just wanted to throw Chris Cagle’s “What Kinda Gone” into the ring:

    Well there’s gone for good and there’s good and gone
    Then there’s gone with the long before it
    I wish she’d been just a little more clear
    Theres gone for the day and gone for the night
    Gone for the rest of your dog-gone life
    Is it whiskey night or just a couple of beers
    I mean what kinda gone are we talkin’ ’bout here

    To me this is just a silly way to stretch out a very thin idea across a chorus. I get the point but exclusively pondering “what kind of gone” it is is so manufactured I just switch the station when I hear it, despite the catchy melody.

  55. carsonNo Gravatar says:

    Those Faith Hill lyrics make me laugh. Shark in a limo…

    Anyways, I love Sugarland, but their new song…”All I wanna do ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh, ooh, ooh is love you” and “gimme a kiss, from that Elvis lip, you don’t wanna miss this” then the “please do not, do please do not distuurr-bb-rbb”. Some one actually wrote “All I wanna do ooh, ooh, ooh ooh” on paper, pretty disturbing.

    I agree with Simpson’s “Come on over”, especially the ice cube line.

  56. PeterNo Gravatar says:

    I love this song DESPITE the lyrics…the Texas Tornadoes doing “Guacamole”:

    Guacamole (Texas Tornados)

    Verse 1
    I met her at the mercado, she’s buyin’ avacados
    And man, she really turned me on.
    She reached for my pepper, I grabbed her tomatoes
    I knew, it wouldn’t be very long.

    Verse 2
    She walked to the mesa, I got my cerveza,
    I picked up the onions and their bones.
    And the way she looked at me, man I could clearly see,
    That it, wouldn’t be very long.

    Chorus
    Guacamole, GUACAMOLE, Guacamole, GUACAMOLE
    We’d be makin’ guacamole all night long.
    Guacamole, GUACAMOLE, Guacamole, GUACAMOLE
    We’d be makin’ guacamole all night long.

  57. TenPoundHammerNo Gravatar says:

    How about these?
    *”God only cries for the living / ‘Cause it’s the living that are so far from home” from “God Only Cries” by Diamond Rio. The ambiguity of the “only” really throws this off, making it sound awkward in more than one way. There’re just so many ways to decipher that line, and I don’t like how any of them sound.

    “If I could grant you one wish / I wish you could see the way you kiss” from “The Way You Love Me” by Faith Hill. So she’ll grant him a wish, but she gets to pick it? That makes no sense. (Not to mention all the “oohs” thrown in for filler in the same song. (“Oooh, I love watching you , baby / When you’re driving me, ooh, crazy / Ooh, I love the way you, love the way you love me”.)

    *”Red Umbrella” (or as I spell it, reDUMBrella) by the same. Already mentioned.

    *”But now I need her so much more” from “Streets of Heaven” by Sherrié Austin. This whole song is bad IMO, but this line just clinches it. To me it just comes off like she’s trying to tell God that He’s mistaken.

    *”Friday night and the moon is high, I’m wide awake just watching you sleep / And I promise you you’re gonna have more than just the things that you need” from “Better Life” from Keith Urban. The rest of the song is fine, but that line just sounds so clumsy that it throws the whole song off.

    *”Twenty years have came and went” from “Angry All the Time” by Tim McGraw. Normally, bad grammar doesn’t bug me (see “Love Don’t Live Here”), but when the grammatically correct equivalent (“have come and gone”) would have worked just as well, and would have flowed better.

    *”Dancin’ cowboys, singin’ horses / Gypsy music, ringin’ voices / Dancin’ cowboys, singin’ horses / Gypsy music, songs about love” from “Dancin’ Cowboys” by the Bellamy Brothers. Okay, singing horses?! And how do gypsies relate to cowboys anyway?

    *”The truth about a mirror is that a damn old mirror…” from “Troubadour” by George Strait. Not only did they reuse the same word instead of coming up with a rhyme, but this whole 2nd verse contradicts the whole song. So he still feels 25 most of the time, but the mirror is no reflection of his youth?

    *All of “Stand” by Rascal Flatts. The whole song just moves from simile to simile without settling on one. Some of the metaphors are even mixed (“when push comes to shove, you taste what you’re made of”).

    *All of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. Sure, it’s not technically a country song, but it shows how bad a songwriter Diane Warren is. She uses the phrase “in this moment” about 149 times.

    *”A carrot top who can barely walk with a sippy cup of milk” from “My Front Porch Looking In” by Lonestar. Only makes the song even sappier.

    I’m sure I’ll think of more.

  58. TenPoundHammerNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah, I forgot about Statue of Liberty shaking her fist. That one’s horrible too, but not as bad as “we’ll put a boot in your @$$, it’s the American way”.

  59. Rare says:

    How about these lyrics:

    “Someone left the cake out..in the rain.
    I don’t think that I can take it..
    Cause it took so long to bake it!
    And I’ll never have that recipe AGGAAAIIN
    OHH NOOO!”

    Song: Central Park. Not country but the lyrics are bad enough to be posted anywhere in a ‘bad lyrics’ board.

    Serious, listen to that song lol.

  60. Erik NorthNo Gravatar says:

    Actually, it isn’t “Central Park”–it’s “MacArthur Park”, probably the most controversial song ever written by Jimmy Webb, who also wrote “By The Time I Get To Phoenix”, “Galveston”, and “The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress.”

    I’ll probably get my head handed to me on a plate, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near as bad as everyone thinks it is. Either that, or there are a lot of artists out there with bad taste to want to cover it over the years (LOL): Richard Harris (first), Glen Campbell, Waylon Jennings, Donna Summer, The Four Tops, and (as the old saying goes) many, many more…

  61. Leeann WardNo Gravatar says:

    A spammer unintentionally brought this thread back to my attention. Hilarious!

  62. Hoggy from OzNo Gravatar says:

    Haha. I haven’t seen this thread before so thanks for bringing it up Leeann.

    A newer song to add to the list that (while I really like it) has some pretty ridiculous lyrics is Josh Turner’s “Eye Candy” from his latest album

    Here’s an example:

    “When the good Lord made that little looker,
    He must have used a whole lot of sugar.
    Maybe that’s the reason that I crave her
    So much flavor all the time.”

    I stress that I really like the song, but excuse the pun, it really is ear candy. It’s ridiculous, but fun :D

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